Ecomotive, EfficientDynamics, BEV, ECOnetic, EcoDynamics, LPI Hybrid, dual-fuel, plug-in, HYbrid4, zero emissions, full hybrid, BlueMotion - these are just some of the trademarks, examples of terminology and makey-up words that automotive journalists and industry observers need to fill their heads with just to keep on top of their game these days.
The Frankfurt Motorshow 2009 was absolutely awash with manufacturers revealing their various solutions to the impending watery demise of some people on small Pacific islands.
Not unlike the annoying explosion in popularity of TV reality and 'talent' shows, this Eco-Friendly car thing seems to have caught on and in a similar fashion, it's not going to bugger off and leave us alone either.
New VW BlueMotion range launched at Frankfurt
Globally, factors like higher levies on fossil fuel, road tax increases for SUVs and the growing radical conscience against carbon-footprinty cars is driving demand for anything that even hints at being Green.
As a consequence, at one end of the scale, our intelligence is being insulted by the presence of insanely expensive, complicated, poison-containing, semi-electric 2-ton luxury SUVs and at the other, the more sensible answer in the form of a small, light, safe car with adequate seating for five that has simply been designed to burn a significantly smaller amount of fuel by virtue of more efficient combustion, aerodynamics and tyre friction.
Zero emissions VW E-UP! concept (the first known use of an exclamation mark in the name of a car)
Full Hybrid-electric cars have been about for years but buyer perception has been tainted by their questionable credentials as planet-savers. Some have been exposed as less of a friend to John Q Polar Bear than fossil fuel powered versions of the same car, mainly due to the huge waste of energy used to develop, manufacture and market them.
Seat's new Ecomotive range
Next on the list is the plug-in electric car. Up until now, they generally stored their power in batteries that contained very nasty materials indeed and unless you specifically recharged them using electricity generated by renewable sources, they still ultimately burned fossil fuel.
The G-Wiz electric vehicle was famously hailed as an acid-spewing deathtrap with virtually no passenger safety features.
Focus ECOnetic five-door for 2010 targeting 74.2mpg
The Hydrogen Fuel Cell is a great idea in theory and the concept has been around for decades now but there exists a conspiracy theory that the design and patent were bought and subsequently buried by horrible oil people that wanted to protect the future of their industry.
The principal has resurfaced within the last couple of years and has been adopted by major manufacturers like Honda and Ford to power their zero-emissions vehicles.
Hydrogen is the most abundant element in the Universe and when it's burned, it produces two things - water and energy. The water is released harmlessly as vapour into the atmosphere and the energy is used to power the car. One of the added benefits is the miniscule maintenance impact to the owner, owing to the fact that the fuel cell engine has only one moving part.
This solution is not perfect either - there are two major drawbacks. The hydrogen is separated from water by passing an electric current through it, using energy in the process and hydrogen filling stations are not terribly common.
BMW Vision Efficient Dynamics Concept
"Stop start" technology has its merits. The principle is used in examples such as BMW EfficientDynamics and Ford's ECOnetic cars. It's simple - the engine stops when you don't need it.
The Audi E-tron - an all-electric sportscar concept based on the R8
Up until this point, this story may have struck you as being largely on the cynical side of 'informative' however please be assured that not telling you to steer clear of Green transport. Quite the opposite; whilst I still use a large, environmentally hostile, Polar Ice Cap-murdering German saloon as my daily driver and yearn for an obscenely thirsty petrol-powered Italian supercar, I'm as environmentally aware as most of my peers about our need to care for our planet.
The automotive industry is making me work harder by introducing solutions, invariably with silly names that I can't hope to remember, so in return I'm doing my little bit to make manufacturers work harder to convince consumers that what they're really doing is helping to save our environment and not just trying to shift units.
All I'm saying is, if you're in the market for a low carbon, low emissions alternative to a conventionally fuelled car, adopt some healthy cynicism.
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